Final Project: Personal Narrative

Over the past five years the purpose and meaning for my life has developed into an empathetic, caring, responsible person. I am in the process of fulfilling a mission to help others deal with life’s situations, circumstances, and issues without the use of alcohol and drugs. My life began as the 18th of 20 siblings, which was not an easy assignment for me. I had to hold the position as â€Å"the baby† for seven years before my baby sister was born. This was the beginning of the development of my personality that I possessed over time through experience and my environment. The infancy stage of my life was filled with glory and gloom as parents and siblings gave praises to me,† The Baby†. I was always catered to and showered with gifts of love and affection. Until one day, something happened. People was walking by me to get to the baby, this small â€Å"something† which my mother kept bundled up until the next visitor came by with oohs, ahhs, and compliments of praises for â€Å"it†. As Caldonia replaced my glory, I was determined to be doomed for life. In spite of others’ sympathy for me, I felt like something was wrong with me. I developed the sense that I did something wrong, and something was wrong ith me. I had lost confidence in myself and others and trust was broken. I became resentful and felt neglected as if no one loved me any longer. I developed personality traits of introversion/extroversion, friendly/ unfriendly, and became a loner. The fluctuation of my feelings towards the baby, my mother, my family, and t he world were internalized feelings of the pain I felt. Feelings of inferiority overwhelmed me. Upon entering first grade, in early childhood, I developed a different perspective with this interactionism with other children. I was taller than my peers and after being picked on by older iblings, I felt like this was my opportunity to stand up to someone. As anxious as I was to be aggressive, I just could not bully the friends that were so small and friendly. This humanistic view of motivation, influenced by my mother’s voice in Christian discipline statements such as, â€Å"don’t do her like that†, â€Å"that is not fair†, â€Å"play fair† and â€Å"be kind to each other† helped shape my personality at this life stage. I developed a personality of conscientiousness from my mother disciplining us on our behavior. As I matured to adolescence, I developed the personality traits of greeableness, and risk taking. By early adolescence I very much agreed with adults when I was told, â€Å"you are too big to play with little Sandra†, â€Å"you are too big to be in third grade† and constantly asked, â€Å"how old are you? † I decided to play with the b oys and play as the boys. Why not? I was just as big and tall as the boys and was too big to play with girls, as I was told. The schemas of my personality were shaped accordingly. My personal construct was the images of the behaviors that I felt was appropriate from the perspective of my self-image and from others’ perspective. My life was consistent to Erikson’s basic philosophy: â€Å"the world gets bigger as we go along and failure is cumulative. † During my early teens, I experienced physical changes, which was natural at this life stage, yet I was uncomfortable with. I had reached puberty. At puberty, I was developing faster than my friends and this fast maturity made me feel uncomfortable with myself again. My father made sexual advances towards me. I then developed a self-concept as worthiness to someone and became promiscuous. At this time other girls were courting and had â€Å"boyfriends† and I was rying so hard to be loved and accepted. By age 15, I became involved with a 20-year-old family friend, three months later we were married. We had a very beautiful wedding on my family home’s front porch. I was such a beautiful bride. This was the first time that I felt such beauty, since Caldonia was born. I felt the love and warmth of my husband and the wedding congregation. I was loved and accepted. My husband was considerate and kind the first six months, however became violent and abusive. He drank beer only on weekends, and eventually started drinking liquor and wine. By his time I was pregnant with our first child and become a high school drop-out. 18 months later I gave birth to our daughter. I was seeking my identity as a wife, mother, and young adult. I was only 18 years old married and had given birth to two children. I was very confused about my individuality and the role to play in my situation. It was easy for me to substitute ideals for experience. After seven years of abuse and three children, I could no longer cope. I covered up all of my problems with a new love. I became addicted to crack cocaine. After four years of chasing the igh, I was arrested and sent to jail. I underwent treatment and stayed clean and sober for almost six years and started using again. By this time I am mother of six and in another abusive relationship with the father of my later two child ren. I had relived my marriage with the same patterns of alcoholism and abuse. I turned; again, to the same method of dealing with the circumstances, I started using drugs again. This time my incarceration was longer and required extensive substance abuse treatment. I entered this program with an open-mind and willingness to change. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Currently, in middle adulthood I am more conscientious and have direction and goals for my life. I have developed personality traits of being a good mother/grandmother (generativity). I want to help others and I have a gift to give. I am no longer absorbed into the selfishness of myself. According to Harder (2009), based on Erikson’s Ego Development Outcome, â€Å"the significant task of this stage of life is to perpetuate culture and transmit values through the family (taming the kids) and working to establish a stable environment. † The development of my personality has the responsibility of many counterparts. Factors such as culture, religion, society, family, high and low life-points, and gender has played a role in the shaping of my personality. However, real acceptance of the self has been the most persuasive. My life has had its ups and downs. However, I would not change none of its episodes. I feel as if everything has happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen for me to be in the position I am in today. My mission is to become a Substance Abuse Counselor to help the next person who is struggling with ways to deal with and accept life on life’s terms, as I have.

The Twilight Saga 2: New Moon Chapter 7 REPETITION

I WASN'T SURE WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING HERE Was I trying to push myself back into the zombie stupor? Had I turned masochisticdeveloped a taste for torture? I should have gone straight down to La Push I felt much, much healthier around Jacob This was not a healthy thing to do. But I continued to drive slowly down the overgrown lane, twisting through the trees that arched over me like a green, living tunnel My hands were shaking, so I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I knew that part of the reason I did this was the nightmare, now that I was really awake, the nothingness of the dream gnawed on my nerves, a dog worrying a bone. There was something to search for. Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted but he was out there, somewhere. I had to believe that. The other part was the strange sense of repetition I'd felt at school today, the coincidence of the date. The feeling that I was starting overperhaps the way my first day would have gone if I'd really been the most unusual person in the cafeteria that afternoon. The words ran through my head, tonelessly, like I was reading them rather than hearing them spoken: It will be as if I'd never existed. I was lying to myself by splitting my reason for coming here into just two parts. I didn't want to admit the strongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound. The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night. For that brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, when his voice was perfect and honey smooth rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I was able to remember without pain. It hadn't lasted; the pain had caught up with me, as I was sure it would for this fool's errand. But those precious moments when I could hear him again were an irresistible lure. I had to find some way to repeat the experience or maybe the better word was episode. I was hoping that dj vu was the key. So I was going to his home, a place I hadn't been since my ill-fated birthday party, so many months ago. The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. I started to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn't I have reached the house yet? The lane was so overgrown that it did not look familiar. What if I couldn't find it? I shivered. What if there was no tangible proof at all? Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before. The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltrated the meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It was like the lawn had been floodedwaist-highwith green, feathery waves. And the house was there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, the emptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I'd seen the beautiful house, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires. I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther. But nothing happened. No voice in my head. So I left the engine running and jumped out into the fern sea. Maybe, like Friday night, if I walked forward I approached the barren, vacant face slowly, my truck rumbling out a comforting roar behind me. I stopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there was nothing here. No lingering sense of their presence of his presence. The house was solidly here, but it meant little. Its concrete reality would not counteract the nothingness of the nightmares. I didn't go any closer. I didn't want to look in the windows. I wasn't sure which would be harder to see. If the rooms were bare, echoing empty from floor to ceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like my grandmother's funeral, when my mother had insisted that I stay outside during the viewing. She had said that I didn't need to see Gran that way, to remember her that way, rather than alive. But wouldn't it be worse if there were no change? If the couches sat just as I'd last seen them, the paintings on the wallsworse still, the piano on its low platform? It would be second only to the house disappearing all together, to see that there was no physical possession that tied them in anyway. That everything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them. Just like me. I turned my back on the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck. I nearly ran. I was anxious to be gone, to get back to the human world. I felt hideously empty, and I wanted to see Jacob. Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction, like the numbness before. I didn't care. I pushed my truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix. Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe. â€Å"Hey, Bella,† he called. I smiled in relief. â€Å"Hey, Jacob,† I waved at Billy, who was looking out the window. â€Å"Let's get to work,† Jacob said in a low but eager voice. I was somehow able to laugh. â€Å"You seriously aren't sick of me yet?† I wondered. He must be starting to ask himself how desperate I was for company. Jacob led the way around the house to his garage. â€Å"Nope. Not yet.† â€Å"Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don't want to be a pain.† â€Å"Okay.† He laughed, a throaty sound. â€Å"I wouldn't hold your breath for that, though.† When I walked into the garage, I was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcycle rather than a pile of jagged metal. â€Å"Jake, you're amazing,† I breathed. He laughed again. â€Å"I get obsessive when I have a project.† He shrugged. â€Å"If I had any brains I'd drag it out a little bit.† â€Å"Why?† He looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn't heard my question. Finally, he asked me, â€Å"Bella, if I told you that I couldn't fix these bikes, what would you say?† I didn't answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression. â€Å"I would say that's too bad, but I'll bet we could figure out something else to do. If we got really desperate, we could even do homework.† Jacob smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. He sat down next to the bike and picked up a wrench. â€Å"So you think you'll still come over when I'm done, then?† â€Å"Is that what you meant?† I shook my head. â€Å"I guess I am taking advantage of your very underpriced mechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I'll be here.† â€Å"Hoping to see Quil again?† he teased. â€Å"You caught me.† He chuckled. â€Å"You really like spending time with me?† he asked, marveling. â€Å"Very, very much. And I'll prove it. I have to work tomorrow, but Wednesday we'll do something nonmechanical.† â€Å"Like what?† â€Å"I have no idea. We can go to my place so you won't be tempted to be obsessive. You could bring your schoolworkyou have to be getting behind, because I know I am.† â€Å"Homework might be a good idea.† He made a face, and I wondered how much he was leaving undone to be with me. â€Å"Yes,† I agreed. â€Å"We'll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Billy and Charlie aren't going to be so easygoing about this.† I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity. He liked thathe beamed. â€Å"Homework once a week?† he proposed. â€Å"Maybe we'd better go with twice,† I suggested, thinking of the pile I'd just been assigned today. He sighed a heavy sigh. Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery sack. He pulled out two cans of soda, cracking one open and handing it to me. He opened the second, and held it up ceremoniously. â€Å"Here's to responsibility,† he toasted. â€Å"Twice a week.† â€Å"And recklessness every day in between,† I emphasized. He grinned and touched his can to mine. I got home later than I'd planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. He wouldn't let me apologize. â€Å"I don't mind,† he assured me. â€Å"You deserve a break from all the cooking, anyway.† I knew he was just relieved that I was still acting like a normal person, and he was not about to rock the boat. I checked my e-mail before I started on my homework, and there was a long one from Renee. She gushed over every detail I'd provided her with, so I sent back another exhaustive description of my day. Everything but the motorcycles. Even happy-go-lucky Renee was likely to be alarmed by that. School Tuesday had its ups and downs. Angela and Mike seemed ready to welcome me back with open armsto kindly overlook my few months of aberrant behavior. Jess was more resistant. I wondered if she needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident. Mike was animated and chatty at work. It was like he'd stored up the semester's worth of talk, and it was all spilling out now. I found that I was able to smile and laugh with him, though it wasn't as effortless as it was with Jacob. It seemed harmless enough, until quitting time. Mike put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it under the counter. â€Å"This was fun tonight,† Mike said happily. â€Å"Yeah,† I agreed, though I'd much rather have spent the afternoon in the garage. â€Å"It's too bad that you had to leave the movie early last week.† I was a little confused by his train of thought. I shrugged. â€Å"I'm just a wimp, I guess.† â€Å"What I mean is, you should go to a better movie, something you'd enjoy,† he explained. â€Å"Oh,† I muttered, still confused. â€Å"Like maybe this Friday. With me. We could go see something that isn't scary at all.† I bit my lip. I didn't want to screw things up with Mike, not when he was one of the only people ready to forgive me for being crazy. But this, again, felt far too familiar. Like the last year had never happened. I wished I had Jess as an excuse this time. â€Å"Like a date?† I asked. Honesty was probably the best policy at this point. Get it over with. He processed the tone of my voice â€Å"If you want. But it doesn't have to be like that.† â€Å"I don't date,† I said slowly, realizing how true that was. That whole world seemed impossibly distant. â€Å"Just as friends?† he suggested. His clear blue eyes were not as eager now. I hoped he really meant that we could be friends anyway. â€Å"That would be fun. But I actually have plans already this Friday, so maybe next week?† â€Å"What are you doing?† he asked, less casually than I think he wanted to sound. â€Å"Homework. I have a study session planned with a friend.† â€Å"Oh. Okay. Maybe next week.† He walked me to my car, less exuberant than before. It reminded me so clearly of my first months in Forks. I'd come full circle, and now everything felt like an echoan empty echo, devoid of the interest it used to have. The next night, Charlie didn't seem the smallest bit surprised to find Jacob and me sprawled across the living room floor with our books scattered around us, so I guessed that he and Billy were talking behind our backs. â€Å"Hey, kids,† he said, his eyes straying to the kitchen. The smell of the lasagna I'd spent the afternoon makingwhile Jacob watched and occasionally sampledwafted down the hall; I was being good, trying to atone for all the pizza. Jacob stayed for dinner, and took a plate home for Billy. He grudgingly added another year to my negotiable age for being a good cook. Friday was the garage, and Saturday, after my shift at Newton's, was homework again. Charlie felt secure enough in my sanity to spend the day fishing with Harry. When he got back, we were all donefeeling very sensible and mature about it, tooand watching Monster Garage on the Discovery Channel. â€Å"I probably ought to go.† Jacob sighed. â€Å"It's later than I thought.† â€Å"Okay, fine,† I grumbled. â€Å"I'll take you home.† He laughed at my unwilling expressionit seemed to please him. â€Å"Tomorrow, back to work,† I said as soon as we were safe in the truck. â€Å"What time do you want me to come up?† There was an unexplained excitement in his answering smile. â€Å"I'll call you first, okay?† â€Å"Sure.† I frowned to myself, wondering what was up. His smile widened. I cleaned the house the next morningwaiting for Jacob to call and trying to shake off the Litest nightmare. The scenery had changed. Last night I'd wandered in a wide sea of ferns interspersed with huge hemlock trees. There was nothing else there, and I was lost, wandering aimless and alone, searching for nothing. I wanted to kick myself for the stupid field trip last week. I shoved the dream out of my conscious mind, hoping it would stay locked up somewhere and not escape again. Charlie was outside washing the cruiser, so when the phone rang, I dropped the toilet brush and ran downstairs to answer it. â€Å"Hello?† I asked breathlessly. â€Å"Bella,† Jacob said, a strange, formal tone to his voice. â€Å"Hey, Jake.† â€Å"I believe that we have a date† he said, his tone thick with implications. It took me a second before I got it. â€Å"They're done? I can't believe it!† What perfect timing. I needed something to distract me from nightmares and nothingness. â€Å"Yeah, they run and everything.† â€Å"Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one.† â€Å"Cool! I'm middle-aged now.† I laughed. â€Å"I'm on my way up!† I threw the cleaning supplies under the bathroom counter and grabbed my jacket. â€Å"Headed to see Jake,† Charlie said when I ran past him. It wasn't really a question. â€Å"Yep,† I replied as I jumped in my truck. â€Å"I'll be at the station later,† Charlie called after me. â€Å"Okay,† I yelled back, turning the key. Charlie said something else, but I couldn't hear him clearly over the roar of the engine. It sounded sort of like, â€Å"Where's the fire?† I parked my truck off to the side of the Blacks' house, close to the trees, to make it easier for us to sneak the bikes out. When I got out, a splash of color caught my eyetwo shiny motorcycles, one red, one black, were hidden under a spruce, invisible from the house. Jacob was prepared. There was a piece of blue ribbon tied in a small bow around each of the handlebars. I was laughing at that when Jacob ran out of the house. â€Å"Ready?† he asked in a low voice, his eyes sparkling. I glanced over his shoulder, and there was no sign of Billy. â€Å"Yeah,† I said, but I didn't feel quite as excited as before; I was trying to imagine myself actually on the motorcycle. Jacob loaded the bikes into the bed of the truck with ease, laying them carefully on their sides so they didn't show. â€Å"Let's go,† he said, his voice higher than usual with excitement. â€Å"I know the perfect spotno one will catch us there.† We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forestsometimes there was nothing but trees, and then there would suddenly be a breathtaking glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, reaching to the horizon, dark gray under the clouds. We were above the shore, on top of the cliffs that bordered the beach here and the view seemed to stretch on forever. I was driving slowly, so that I could safely stare out across the ocean now and then, as the road wound closer to the sea cliffs. Jacob was talking about finishing the bikes, but his descriptions were getting technical, so I wasn't paying close attention. That was when I noticed four figures standing on a rocky ledge, much too close to the precipice. I couldn't tell from the distance how old they were, but I assumed they were men. Despite the chill in the air today, they seemed to be wearing only shorts. As I watched, the tallest person stepped closer to the brink. I slowed automatically, my foot hesitating over the brake pedal. And then he threw himself off the edge. â€Å"No!† I shouted, stomping down on the brake. â€Å"What's wrong?† Jacob shouted back, alarmed. â€Å"That guyhe just jumped off the cliff! Why didn't they stop him? We've got to call an ambulance!† I threw open my door and started to get out, which made no sense at all. The fastest way to a phone was to drive back to Billy's. But I couldn't believe what I'd just seen. Maybe, subconsciously, I hoped I would see something different without the glass of the windshield in the way. Jacob laughed, and I spun to stare at him wildly. How could he be so calloused, so cold-blooded? â€Å"They're just cliff diving, Bella. Recreation. La Push doesn't have a mall, you know.† He was teasing, but there was a strange note of irritation in his voice. â€Å"Cliff diving?† I repeated, dazed. I stared in disbelief as a second figure stepped to the edge, paused, and then very gracefully leaped into space. He fell for what seemed like an eternity to me, finally cutting smoothly into the dark gray waves below. â€Å"Wow. It's so high.† I slid back into my seat, still staring wide-eyed at the two remaining divers. â€Å"It must be a hundred feet.† â€Å"Well, yeah, most of us jump from lower down, that rock that juts out from the cliff about halfway.† He pointed out his window. The place he indicated did seem much more reasonable. â€Å"Those guys are insane. Probably showing off how tough they are. I mean, really, it's freezing today. That water can't feel good.† He made a disgruntled face, as if the stunt personally offended him. It surprised me a little. I would have thought Jacob was nearly impossible to upset. â€Å"You jump off the cliff?† I hadn't missed the â€Å"us.† â€Å"Sure, sure.† He shrugged and grinned. â€Å"It's fun. A little scary, kind of a rush.† I looked back at the cliffs, where the third figure was pacing the edge. I'd never witnessed anything so reckless in all my life. My eyes widened, and I smiled. â€Å"Jake, you have to take me cliff diving.† He frowned back at me, his face disapproving. â€Å"Bella, you just wanted to call an ambulance for Sam,† he reminded me. I was surprised that he could tell who it was from this distance. â€Å"I want to try,† I insisted, start ing to get out of the car again. Jacob grabbed my wrist. â€Å"Not today, all right? Can we at least wait for a warmer day?† â€Å"Okay, fine,† I agreed. With the door open, the glacial breeze was raising goose bumps on my arm. â€Å"But I want to go soon.† â€Å"Soon.† He rolled his eyes. â€Å"Sometimes you're a little strange, Bella. Do you know that?† I sighed. â€Å"Yes.† â€Å"And we're not jumping off the top.† I watched, fascinated, as the third boy made a running start and flung himself farther into the empty air than the other two. He twisted and cartwheeled through space as he fell, like he was skydiving. He looked absolutely freeunthinking and utterly irresponsible. â€Å"Fine,† I agreed. â€Å"Not the first time, anyway.† Now Jacob sighed. â€Å"Are we going to try out the bikes or not?† he demanded. â€Å"Okay, okay,† I said, tearing my eyes away from the last person waiting on the cliff. I put my seat belt back on and closed the door. The engine was still running, roaring as it idled. We started down the road again. â€Å"So who were those guysthe crazy ones?† I wondered. He made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. â€Å"The La Push gang.† â€Å"You have a gang?† I asked. I realized that I sounded impressed. He laughed once at my reaction. â€Å"Not like that. I swear, they're like hall monitors gone bad. They don't start fights, they keep the peace.† He snorted. â€Å"There was this guy from up somewhere by the Makah rez, big guy too, scary-looking. Well, word got around that he was selling meth to kids, and Sam Uley and his disciples ran him off our land. They're all about our land, and tribe pride it's getting ridiculous. The worst part is that the council takes them seriously. Embry said that the council actually meets with Sam.† He shook his head, face full of resentment. â€Å"Embry also heard from Leah Clearwater that they call themselves ‘protectors' or something like that.† Jacob's hands were clenched into fists, as if he'd like to hit something. I'd never seen this side of him. I was surprised to hear Sam Uley's name. I didn't want it to bring back the images from my nightmare, so I made a quick observation to distract myself. â€Å"You don't like them very much.† â€Å"Does it show?† he asked sarcastically. â€Å"Well It doesn't sound like they're doing anything bad.† I tried to soothe him, to make him cheerful again. â€Å"Just sort of annoyingly goody-two-shoes for a gang.† â€Å"Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They're always showing offlike the cliff thing. They act like like, I don't know. Like tough guys. I was hanging out at the store with Embry and Quil once, last semester, and Sam came by with his followers, Jared and Paul. Quil said something, you know how he's got a big mouth, and it pissed Paul off. His eyes got all dark, and he sort of smiledno, he showed his teeth but he didn't smileand it was like he was so mad he was shaking or something. But Sam put his hand against Paul's chest and shook his head. Paul looked at him for a minute and calmed down. Honestly, it was like Sam was holding him backlike Paul was going to tear us up if Sam didn't stop him.† He groaned. â€Å"Like a bad western. You know, Sam's a pretty big guy, he's twenty. But Paul's just sixteen, too, shorter than me and not as beefy as Quil. I think any one of us could take him.† â€Å"Tough guys,† I agreed. I could see it in my head as he described it, and it reminded me of something a trio of tall, dark men standing very still and close together in my father's living room. The picture was sideways, because my head was lying against the couch while Dr. Gerandy and Charlie leaned over me Had that been Sam's gang? I spoke quickly again to divert myself from the bleak memories. â€Å"Isn't Sam a little too old for this kind of thing?† â€Å"Yeah. He was supposed to go to college, but he stayed. And no one gave him any crap about it, either. The whole council pitched a fit when my sister turned down a partial scholarship and got married. But, oh no, Sam Uley can do no wrong.† His face was set in unfamiliar lines of outrageoutrage and something else I didn't recognize at first. â€Å"It all sounds really annoying and strange. But I don't get why you're taking it so personally.† I peeked over at his face, hoping I hadn't offended him. He was suddenly calm, staring out the side window. â€Å"You just missed the turn,† he said in an even voice. I executed a very wide U-turn, nearly hitting a tree as my circle ran the truck halfway off the road. â€Å"Thanks for the heads-up,† I muttered as I started up the side road. â€Å"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.† It was quiet for a brief minute. â€Å"You can stop anywhere along here,† he said softly. I pulled over and cut the engine. My ears rang in the silence that followed. We both got out, and Jacob headed around to the back to get the bikes. I tried to read his expression. Something more was bothering him. I'd hit a nerve. He smiled halfheartedly as he pushed the red bike to my side. â€Å"Happy late birthday. Are you ready for this?† â€Å"I think so.† The bike suddenly looked intimidating, frightening, as I realized I would soon be astride it. â€Å"We'll take it slow,† he promised. I gingerly leaned the motorcycle against the truck's fender while he went to get his. â€Å"Jake†I hesitated as he came back around the truck. â€Å"Yeah?† â€Å"What's really bothering you? About the Sam thing, I mean? Is there something else?† I watched his face. He grimaced, but he didn't seem angry. He looked at the dirt and kicked his shoe against the front tire of his bike again and again, like he was keeping time. He sighed. â€Å"It's just the way they treat me. It creeps me out.† The words started to rush out now. â€Å"You know, the council is supposed to be made up of equals, but if there was a leader, it would be my dad. I've never been able to figure out why people treat him the way they do. Why his opinion counts the most. It's got something to do with his father and his father's father. My great-grandpa, Ephraim Black, was sort of the last chief we had, and they still listen to Billy, maybe because of that. â€Å"But I'm just like everyone else. Nobody treats me special until now.† That caught me off guard. â€Å"Sam treats you special?† â€Å"Yeah,† he agreed, looking up at me with troubled eyes. â€Å"He looks at me like he's waiting for something like I'm going to join his stupid gang someday. He pays more attention to me than any of the other guys. I hate it.† â€Å"You don't have to join anything.† My voice was angry. This was really upsetting Jacob, and that infuriated me. Who did these â€Å"protectors† think they were? â€Å"Yeah.† His foot kept up its rhythm against the tire. â€Å"What?† I could tell there was more. He frowned, his eyebrows pulling up in a way that looked sad and worried rather than angry. â€Å"It's Embry. He's been avoiding me lately.† The thoughts didn't seem connected, but I wondered if I was to blame for the problems with his friend. â€Å"You've been hanging out with me a lot,† I reminded him, feeling selfish. I'd been monopolizing him. â€Å"No, that's not it. It's not just meit's Quil, too, and everyone. Embry missed a week of school, but he was never home when we tried to see him. And when he came back, he looked he looked freaked out. Terrified. Quil and I both tried to get him to tell us what was wrong, but he wouldn't talk to either one of us.† I stared at Jacob, biting my lip anxiouslyhe was really frightened. But he didn't look at me. He watched his own foot kicking the rubber as if it belonged to someone else. The tempo increased. â€Å"Then this week, out of nowhere, Embry's hanging out with Sam and the rest of them. He was out on the cliffs today.† His voice was low and tense. He finally looked at me. â€Å"Bella, they bugged him even more than they bother me. He didn't want anything to do with them. And now Embry's following Sam around like he's joined a cult. â€Å"And that's the way it was with Paul. Just exactly the same. He wasn't friends with Sam at all. Then he stopped coming to school for a few weeks, and, when he came back, suddenly Sam owned him. I don't know what it means. I can't figure it out, and I feel like I have to, because Embry's my friend and Sam's looking at me funny . . and† He trailed off. â€Å"Have you talked to Billy about this?† I asked. His horror was spreading to me. I had chills running on the back of my neck. Now there was anger on his face. â€Å"Yes,† he snorted. â€Å"That was helpful.† â€Å"What did he say?† Jacob's expression was sarcastic, and when he spoke, his voice mocked the deep tones of his father's voice. â€Å"It's nothing you need to worry about now, Jacob. In a few years, if you don't well, I'll explain later.† And then his voice was his own. â€Å"What am I supposed to get from that? Is he trying to say it's some stupid puberty, coming-of-age thing? This is something else. Something wrong.† He was biting his lower lip and clenching his hands. He looked like he was about to cry. I threw my arms around him instinctively, wrapping them around his waist and pressing my face against his chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a child hugging a grown-up. â€Å"Oh, Jake, it'll be okay!† I promised. â€Å"If it gets worse you can come live with me and Charlie. Don't be scared, we'll think of something!† He was frozen for a second, and then his long arms wrapped hesitantly around me. â€Å"Thanks, Bella.† His voice was huskier than usual. We stood like that for a moment, and it didn't upset me; in fact, I felt comforted by the contact. This didn't feel anything like the last time someone had embraced me this way. This was friendship. And Jacob was very warm. It was strange for me, being this closeemotionally rather than physically, though the physical was strange for me, tooto another human being. It wasn't my usual style. I didn't normally relate to people so easily, on such a basic level. Not human beings. â€Å"If this is how you're going to react, I'll freak out more often.† Jacob's voice was light, normal again, and his laughter rumbled against my ear. His fingers touched my hair, soft and tentative. Well, it was friendship for me. I pulled away quickly, laughing with him, but determined to put things back in perspective at once. â€Å"It's hard to believe I'm two years older than you,† I said, emphasizing the word older. â€Å"You make me feel like a dwarf.† Standing this close to him, I really had to crane my neck to see his face. â€Å"You're forgetting I'm in my forties, of course.† â€Å"Oh, that's right.† He patted my head. â€Å"You're like a little doll,† he teased. â€Å"A porcelain doll.† I rolled my eyes, taking another step away. â€Å"Let's not start with the albino cracks.† â€Å"Seriously, Bella, are you sure you're not?† He stretched his russet arm out next to mine. The difference wasn't flattering. â€Å"I've never seen anyone paler than you well, except for† He broke off, and I looked away, trying to not understand what he had been about to say. â€Å"So are we going to ride or what?† â€Å"Let's do it,† I agreed, more enthusiastic than I would have been half a minute ago. His unfinished sentence reminded me of why I was here.

I will upload the specific question later on the file Essay - 2

I will upload the specific question later on the file - Essay Example Sociological studies have shown that from the last 40-50 years, America has faced one big issue and that is Racism. Obviously, the intensity and mode in the practice of racism has changed but it has not been eliminated from the society. These changes can be explained with the help of an easy social test or a general survey such as: How many Black head of States have been elected in America compared to White Head of States. When someone gives extra privileges to an African American and treats him different from the others ones that is where racism comes in. The mode of racism has changed from ‘treat them like hell’ to ‘treat them different from others, and be in a good sense so they can feel that they are not one of us and lower than us’. In fact, it cannot be denied that there have been made certain efforts by general public as a whole, including the state, in which this element has been tried to be eliminated by organizing workshops in which people of all races sat together and worked together, by providing black children with equal opportunities to study at schools and by giving races other than whites to progress and flourish in America. For instance let us take the example of the Boston busing desegregation, although, it was a very hard time for the administration and people as a whole when the people of southern Boston turned on the Blacks, but it was an unprecedented effort by the government, not seen before. It was not only the busing desegregation; however, Boston has been the pioneer in making very significant intentions, clear in the riots and protests against the racial unbalanced actions. The children that were brought to southern Boston suffered deep emotional stresses, but they have laid some of the co rner stones in development of the elimination of racial discrimination. The president Ronald Regan, however, had some policies, which may be said to be

Recognize the elements of a negotiable instrument, as well as the Essay

Recognize the elements of a negotiable instrument, as well as the elements of rules affecting transferability and liability - Essay Example The other types of instruments are constructed in form of an order. Does the instrument in question meet the requirements of negotiability under the Uniform Commercial Code? This question can best be dealt with by comparing the elements of a negotiable instrument under the Uniform Commercial Code with the instrument in question. These elements are: Writing can be on anything that is permanent and has portability (3-103 UCC). Since the above instrument is written, there appears to be no contention that the instrument in question meets the first requirement. This is intended to authenticate it (3-401 UCC). Bob by handing over a pen to the maker in this question implicates that he wants the maker to put his signature and make him be bound by the document. The maker here will be bound by making any mark on the instrument which purports to be a signature. â€Å"The promise must be an affirmatively written undertaking more than a mere acknowledgement of a debt† (Howard 1964). Apart from acknowledging that he has a debt amounting to $20 000 plus interests the maker further makes an affirmative undertaking to discharge the debt. This can be ascertained by the use of the phrase ‘I promise to pay’. Payment cannot be conditional and the promise or order cannot be subject to rights or obligations stated in another source save for any exception provided by the Uniform Commercial Code. The document in question does not imply any condition. Take for instance if the document was worded in the following manner; â€Å"I promise to pay to the order of Bobs Auto Emporium $20 000 with interest...defaulting by which I shall be liable to pay double the value of interest†, this is a prima facie case of a condition and such an instrument shall be void (Martindale 2011). Any instrument payable in money are negotiable (3-304 UCC).The above instrument is payable at a fixed amount of $20 000 and hence satisfies this test of negotiability. The Uniform

Parity conditions in International Finance and Currency Forecasting Essay

Parity conditions in International Finance and Currency Forecasting - Essay Example These global investors are encouraged by the differences that exist among countries in the return rates on assets that are comparable. The theory also proposes that the exchange rate value on the foreign exchange market is affected by the transactions that are undertaken on the financial account of a country (Mukherjee, 2002). Madura, (2014) says that, the interest rate parity is an equilibrium. Why is this so? The author notes that, when the exchange and the interest rates are made to change and adjust to the forces in the market in a way that the interest arbitrage is not achievable, then an equilibrium results. The equilibrium is termed as the interest parity. Hence, when an equilibrium exists, the forward rate varies from the spot rate by an adequate extent. The variation is to such an extent that it counterbalances the interest rate differential among the countries’ currencies. For example, if an investor from the US obtains a greater rate of interest from his or her foreign investment; and he or she has to pay extra per entity of the country’s currency than what he or she obtains per entity when the country’s currency is sold forward, then there is a counterbalancing influence. Hence, if the investor has invested in the UK and the UK pound has an interest rate of 4%, while the equivalent in the US has an interest rate of 1%. Then, the two currencies’ interest rate differential is 3% (4 – 3). It implies that the interest rate differential is the profit the investors presume. However, the exchange rate must remain constant if the profit is to hold (Grath, 2011). In the example, the â€Å"pay extra per entity of the country’s currency†¦Ã¢â‚¬  is what is termed as the spot rate. While, â€Å"what he or she obtains per entity when the country’s currency is sold forward,† is known as the forward rate. Normally, when the spot rate is more than the forward rate, then a discount is in the

Write an essay that identifies and discusses the many selective

Write an that identifies and discusses the many selective pressures leading to bipedalism in our ancestors and us - Essay Example While habitual bipedalism does not seem like the most effective and fastest form of walking and running, it portends various advantages for hominids over specific specialized quadrupedal forms. Although the reason why early hominins took a bipedal stance is not entirely clear, majority of these hypotheses propose the importance of selection pressures based on the environment in driving bipedal evolution (Sarmiento 62). As climatic conditions resulted in the recession of forests, hominins started to move out of the forests into the grassland savannas where it was essential to assume bipedalism to aid in survival. The postural feeding hypothesis seeks to assert the fact that a shared postural specialization and adaptation of apes, as well as the arboreal postures of food gathering involving vertical climbing and arm-hanging, are adequate enough to have been a selective pressure encouraging bipedalism in hominids (Sarmiento 63). The anatomy of both the australopithecine and the behavior of chimpanzees are the major points that inform this model of selective pressures towards bipedalism. For instance, at least 80% of the time that chimpanzees spend in a bipedal stance is when they are feeding, of which they use arm hanging to stabilize their posture at least 90% of the time in terminal branches of the trees, while 52% of arm-hanging occurs in the trees’ central parts (Sarmiento 63). For australopithecines, their torso form has adaptations to arm-hanging, which may infer that australopithecines adapted to selective pressures requiring arboreal fruit gathering. This specialized and early m ode of bipedalism evolved to become habitually bipedal much later. On the other hand, the behavioral model as an explanation for selection pressures resulting in hominid bipedalism concentrates on mechanisms of social behavior that influenced birthrate and survivorship. Human

What Does It Take To Lead Change Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1500 words

What Does It Take To Lead Change - Essay Example It is the process of exploring one's own self-evaluation, thinking whether the way they acted in a particular situation is correct or not. Reflecting on one’s own actions is important for business development. It is a must to improve our communication style, clarify our expectations and put into practice the various theories learnt. In fact there are many programs like the Ignatius exercises which use role modelling to focus on various critical issues, kindle the emotions of a person, get a response and help them reflect on the same. These exercises give a person a chance to act with more maturity and calmness if they face the same problem in real life (Moberg & Calkins, 2001, p. 257 - 270). The project we selected to do was ‘Eliminating Job Satisfaction’. Our team believed it will help us to understand the work environment in the corporate industry better and enable us to act as better managers because we will get to know what different types of workers expect fr om their management and superiors. My group project enabled me to talk to various types of people. What we found out was that, nearly half of the people excelling in today's corporate world do so because they did not have a chance to excel in their field of choice. I realized the meaning of the word 'identity workspace' (Petriglieri & Petriglieri, 2010, p. 44 - 60) only by working in this project. The experience made me wonder if these people are so productive and capable in a field they have no like or dislike, how much they would contribute if they were only given a chance to work in their field of choice. Surely, the world would be a much better place with many more inventions then. The aim of our project was to reach out to at least a few people who are totally dissatisfied with their job and make them pursue their passion for their own happiness and the betterment of their passionate field. My team attended a workshop at the end of the project, which enabled us to reflect on wh at we have done so far. I got a chance to reflect on several incidents which took place throughout the project. The workshop instilled in me various reflections regarding the way I communicated to my peers, how I failed to make them understand some of my views and how I acted as a self-elected leader in some instances. The workshop did not teach us anything new, but helped us reflect on the way we acted throughout the project and question ourselves what would have been the outcome, if we have acted differently. There is a general notion that management studies will not be much useful, if a person does not have prior management experience. The idea was stressed by Mintzberg (2004) in his work. No matter how many hours you study volumes and volumes of management theories it isn’t equivalent to one day's experience of managing a team in the real world. Managing this project helped me understand this practically. I tried in every possible way to help my team but it only resulted in building more tension within the team. â€Å"Communication within a group deals with the spoken and the unspoken, the verbal and the non-verbal, the explicit and the implied messages that are conveyed and exchanged relating to information and ideas, and Feelings† (Group Dynamics, 2004). I understood where I went wrong and how communication was limited in our team while playing the reflective exercises in this workshop. I strongly felt the way I acted

The analysis of the academic texts by Adler and Marvin, Turino and Essay

The analysis of the academic texts by Adler and Marvin, Turino and Daughtry - Essay Example Moreover Daughtry (62) explains that momentum is directly related to emotional power and can either be positive or negative. However, in a battle of two, positive momentum is gained by only one party while the other party experiences negative momentum. Music and other sounds may be used to initiate the negative momentum. As outlined by Turino (221), emotional power of music often results to two impacts. It can either be positive or negative depending on the situation in which music is employed. Negative momentum may also result from the internal among the team members ore the players in the field. External negative momentum is generally initiated by the opponents especially when they are able to initiate morale and motivate their players. This is usually experienced by musical instruments, songs, chats and songs that are mainly meant to discourage or mock the opponents. This was evident especially during the time when racial discrimination was on its peak in the United States of Amer ica. It was evident that the society was much divided such that the blacks were supporting blacks while the whites also played alone. Internal negative momentum can arise from the internal activities by the players themselves. For example, when the actions by one or two members of the team are not pleasing to the other members of the team, there is loss of moral as well as reduction in the play. According to Turino (222), this result into a condition of hopelessness and the players feel that they no longer own the play. Later a pessimistic attitude change develops and the individuals begin to think of losing the game rather than winning the game. At this time, the players experiencing negative attitudes towards each other in the game and what remains are to wait for the game... The analysis of the academic texts by Adler and Marvin, Turino and Daughtry Turino, Thomas’ Signs of Imagination, Identity, and experience: A Pircian Semiotic theory for music is an exploration of the emotional power of music in the activities of individuals, families and communities. This article also illustrates the intimate interfaces of sound structures, identity and social structures as well as incorporating the views of other scholars. Adler and Marvin’s Momentum: A Theory of Social Action explores the idea of momentum development in sports and the several ways by which individuals and teams can develop or gain momentum. Alder and Marvin have also discussed the impacts of positive and negative momentum in a team’s performance. Daughtry’s Russia’s New Anthem and the Negotiation of National Identity has outlined how music derives self image. In this article, Daughtry discusses several case studies in which music reflects national image and identity of a nation. In sporting activities, it is usually common to listen to m ost sport analysts from different categories of the games puts more emphasis on fans contributing to the performance of a team. It is a common knowledge that a team that has many fans is likely to win in a game. Generally, understanding of the theory and the actual sports experiences reveal that momentum is very important in all the games. However caution should be taken to ensure that the generated momentum is not negative since negative momentum is destructive and results to feeling of uselessness and lost of hope in the game.

Literacy Autobiography Essay Example for Free

Literacy Autobiography Essay In my younger days, I thought of the term literacy as being able to physically read a written piece of work. I thought the ability to read was when an individual could actually pick up a book, magazine, or even the daily news, and have the ability to understand the collage or words on the page. Most believe that this simple understanding of what words are on the paper is all there is to know about reading. But what most people do not know, is that there is a much deeper meaning behind the word literacy. Along with being able to actually read a piece of literature, there is also having the ability to  determine what that piece actually means or the overall message behind it. This helpful but yet difficult skill to attain is the ability to analyze. Many individuals tend to leave the process of analysis out of the equation when discussing literacy abilities. Some also over look the fact the knowledge gained through reading can be applicable to life in general. Consequently, these talents are not just acquired overnight. Learning to read and understand written words and languages takes time, as there are many more parts to literacy than one would imagine. Although learning to read can prove to be difficult, even for the smartest of children, everyone has to start somewhere. For me, my journey began when I was in kindergarden. My teacher, Mrs. Kroon, had a clever trick to help teach her students how to read. She believed that learning to read starts off with becoming familiar with the alphabet and learning what sounds and noises each letter can make. With the help of her blow up alphabet heroes, she was able to teach my classmates and I how recognize each letter of the alphabet. She also helped the class relate a sound or set of sounds to each  different letter. At the time, I had no clue what the significance of learning these letters was. But since learning about the letters was taught in an appealing matter, I was able to pick up on it pretty quickly. Every day my fellow students and I were introduced to a new and exciting alpha-hero as Mrs. Kroon called them. We focused the majority of class on learning about the letter, learning how to say it, and of course how to write it. Day in and day out we would learn more and more about these exciting letters and by the time the end of the school year had come, we had seen each letter multiple times. We had also learned how to put these letters together into words. Little did we know this was the start to a long journey in the world of reading. The question I always asked myself is why is this significant to me? What was so important about these letters that I had to spend the majority of my time in school learning about them. Sure, learning about each hero was fun as it appealed to my love for super heroes, but at that young of an age I was not able to comprehend why I was learning about these different symbols. It was not until first  grade when I actually learned to read that I discovered why so much of my time was spent on these symbols. Every day before class started, our entire school participated in a silent reading period for approximately twenty minutes. During the first few sessions, I was puzzled while I was reading and often found it difficult to understand the puzzle of words in the books. As our teacher worked with us more and more on pronouncing and identifying words, I started to catch on to the material. I would look at a book and for some reason I could understand what the book was saying. It was almost as if the words jumped right off of the page. Shortly after, I was able to pick up many different interesting books and successfully read them to myself. It was like I had acquired a super power; I was able to read! I had developed a skill that most children struggle with for years. I was one of the fortunate ones. Everyday after this realization I became more fascinated with this exciting new discovery. I would read for hours on end just because I could. Its safe to say I was one delighted first grader. And that is where I thought the journey ended. I had learned to read, but the significance of all this reading nonsense had me puzzled. Year in and year out our classroom instructors put a strong emphasis on reading and I could not understand why. It seemed as if the only new benefit to reading was an extended vocabulary or reaching higher reading levels. This may have been the goal at the time being, but it was not until my junior year that I built on my childhood reading foundation. Unfortunately by this age I had lost most of my interest in reading. This made one of my literature  classes very difficult, as we were asked to read a variety of written works. As a class, we were also asked to â€Å"analyze† the readings for deeper meanings. At first I had quite a rough time learning to discover these hidden messages, but as I practiced I became familiar with the process. I came to find that these messages were all around me. For example, after analyzing the childhood story The Hare and the Tortoise, it is evident that the message or moral behind the story is for one to take their time when completing a task as â€Å"slow and steady wins the race. † With each passing day, I became increasingly familiar with this new found talent and analyzing written works was no longer a hassle. Not only could I find the overall message in a piece of literature, but I had also acquired the ability to support my argument with evidence from the written work. This concept of analysis seemed to be the icing on the cake in the concept of literacy, but little did I know I still had more to learn. Although I have come far in my literacy journey, it has taken me almost nineteen years to realize that a reading journey is a life long process. The lessons we learn through the process of reading and analyzing can be used in everyday life, even when one is not actually reading. I have learned that many of the things I do daily involve reading or analyzing whether I know it or not. Simple gifts such as having the ability to tell what mood a friend is in, or whether or not an outfit is appropriate for school also relate to the acts of reading and analyzing. Likewise, when a person can tell what type of a mood another person is in because of their body language, that is in fact reading. The individual is  analyzing the others behavior in order to discover the mood of their colleague. The same concept can be applied to making choices. Within each different decision an individual makes they weigh out the positives and the negatives of each option and then choose what to do. Some may call it decision making, but it is also a type of analysis. Each option is carefully analyzed before a decision is made which proves that humans including myself use these types of strategies everyday. Just like analyzing a piece of work, guessing another persons mood or feelings takes practice. The more an individual takes the time to analyze a situation or person, the easier the process becomes. It is very interesting to truly see how many valuable lessons and skills can be acquired through reading. Even though my journey in the world of literacy is not quite over, I have learned a great deal of information about myself through reading. From kindergarden to high school I have been able to overcome each step on the path to reading success which has lead to a great deal of knowledge. Along with learning to read nearly any book that is thrown my way, I have also learned how to find deeper  meanings in literature and in life. Many of concepts in which I choose to believe in such as â€Å"being yourself† and â€Å"never giving up† have been discovered through reading. I know I have much more to learn about the world of literature and reading and I cannot wait to see what lies on the road ahead. I hope that throughout my college days I am able to make many more discoveries about myself and the world around me. I truly believe that these types of discoveries and lessons shape us into who we are. Without successfully learning to read and analyze, I would not be the person who I am today.

Conditions Under Which Decisions Are Made Essay Example for Free

Conditions Under Which Decisions Are Made Essay In that way you already have measures in place knowing that should you be in an accident you will have an alternative transport whilst your car is being fixed. Also when you buy a TV, you are usually given one year guarantee and you can get more years at an extra cost. In this instance you know that should the year be over and you had added two years more, and your TV has a problem maybe in the second year, you can take it back as it will still be under guarantee because you would have added more years to cover it. Risk This is when individuals can define a problem, specify the probability of certain events, identify alternative solutions, and state the probability of each solution leading to the desired result. Like in the case of construction, the construction cost overrun risk has a possibility that during the design and construction phase, the actual project costs will exceed projected costs as a result of weather, supplier’s shortage, labour and subcontractor performance. In this case the probability that this will happen will be dependent on past weather records, and experience of the contractor. A decision is made under risk when a supervisor or superior can list all possibilities of outcomes with the decision that has been made and state the probability of each outcome. There are two types of probabilities, there is an objective probability whereby the supervisor or manager assigns probability based on experience or similar situations and there is a subjective probability whereby the supervisor or manager has little experience with a the decision made or no data at all. This type of probability is based on personal experience or gut feel. For example, a manager decides to spend R2500. 00 on a shoe advertisement believing there are three possible outcomes for the advertisement, a 30% chance the advertisement will have only a small effect on sales, a 50% chance of a moderate effect, and a 20% chance of a very large effect. This decision is made under risk because the manager can list each potential outcome and determine the probability of each outcome occurring. Uncertainty This is when an individual does not have the necessary information to assign probabilities to the outcomes of alternative solutions. In cases of uncertainty the alternative solutions and problems are both unclear. Uncertainty exists when a decision maker cannot list all possible outcomes and/or cannot assign probabilities to the various outcomes. When faced with uncertainty, a manager would know only the different decision options available and the different possible states of nature. The states of nature are the future events or conditions that can influence the final outcome or payoff of a decision but cannot be controlled or affected by the manager. An example of a decision made under uncertainty would be, for a company in South Africa to open a branch say in Zambia producing products that have never been sold in that country. In this instance the is uncertainty as to whether the product will sell or not because they are not sure how the people of that country will receive hence a lot of money will be put in that project.